


One Last Request

by CaptainStuart



Category: Epithet Erased (Cartoon)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21958609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainStuart/pseuds/CaptainStuart
Summary: Ramsey believes that he's finally caught a break. That is, until there's a familiar knock on the window.
Comments: 22
Kudos: 134





	One Last Request

**Author's Note:**

> Minor spoilers for Episode 7 ahead. This is something of a "what happens next".

Ah, Maximum Security Prison. Guards always on patrol, top quality cells, and a view of the world from the 53rd floor. This is the life, thought Ramsey.

And why wouldn’t he? A few days ago, he was fearing for his life. Having to look behind him every other second. Having to sleep with one eye open. And having to know that one of Bliss Ocean’s Officers wanted his head. But, what’s done is done – sure, she might still be on the loose, but he wouldn’t have to worry about that for a long time. Now he could just sit back, and relax-

“Ramseyyy~” a voice sung from outside the window. A familiar voice, an unwanted voice, accompanied by some strong tapping. The vocal equivalent of finding a worm in your pine cone.

Jolting to attention, Ramsey jumped out of his prison-standard deck chair, and found the worst possible pair of eyes staring back at him: Zora’s.

“Zora!” Ramsey yelped, settling for just her name rather than a chain of expletives that no-one was around to bleep.

“Ah, you remember me! Wonderful!” Zora said, disintegrating the window between them, and hopping into his cell. “Glad to see those Eraser Cuffs still let you remember the important things.”

Ramsey shook in his sandals like an overstimulated puppy. He’d only been able to enjoy the high life for, like, 2 days! How could fate be so cruel to put him to his death already? Well, karma probably doesn’t appreciate mass scale embezzlement and the destabilisation of local economies, but that’s beside the point! Would one little break hurt? Oh well. If he was going to die, he may as well figure out what the hell is going on.

“How did you get in here? This is one of the most secure prisons in the biome!” Ramsey exclaimed, his voice cracking ever so slightly as he stared his greatest fear in the eyes.

“It’s not _a_ maximum security prison, dumbass,” Zora began, “It’s just a place called ‘Maximum Security Prison’. Honestly, you would have been better off at a regular joint. Most of the stuff around here is just for show.”

Zora pointed to the guards patrolling outside the cell. They were so hyperfocused on walking up and down in a straight line, that none of them were paying attention to the intruder in the cell. One of them was even playing the game where each step you take has to be on a different floor tile. How fun!

“Alright, I see ya point,” Ramsey responded, the absurdity of the situation having calmed his nerves somewhat, “But this is still, like, SUPER high up! How’d you get up here?”

“Oh, right, I should clean up after myself!” Zora responded playfully, walking back over to a window and de-aging a tree she’d used to scale the building. Ramsey walked over to see the process in action.

“...That’s the tallest tree I’ve ever seen in my life.”

“Yup!” Zora replied, unhelpfully. As Ramsey’s mind filled with dendrological questions, a gun to his face quickly reminded him not to get too comfortable.

“...So you’re still after my head,” Ramsey sighed, resigning himself to his fate. To his surprise, Zora pulled her gun back.

“Settle down, pyrite pr*ck. I’m not here to kill you,” Zora retorted, bluntly.

“How did you do that with your mouth? Actually, wait, what?” Ramsey questioned.

“Look, kiddo, I know we have beef. Trust me, I haven’t forgotten what you’ve done,” Zora began, her eyes focusing intently on his. “But I’m not here for .”

“W-What do you mean?” Ramsey interjected, simultaneously scared, relieved and confused. To his surprise, Zora seemed almost… hesitant? That wasn’t like her.

“I’m here for AllThatGlitters24,” Zora stated, her words shooting through Ramsey stronger than her guns ever could.

“...What?!?” Ramsey panicked, wondering how Zora could have found his online moniker. “I-I-I don’t know what you-”

“Shut it,” Zora interrupted, shooting Ramsey in the face. Clutching his horrible, gremlin face, Ramsey writhed in pain, holding back none of his screams; much to Zora’s displeasure. “Oh, quit your yappin’. It doesn’t hurt that much.”

“DOESN’T IT? HOW ABOUT I SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE, HUH?” Ramsey shouted out, before immediately returning to his ceaseless screaming. Zora rolled her eyes, but as Ramsey continued to wriggle around over-dramatically, she quickly found herself growing impatient.

“Ugh, fine!” She said angrily, placing a hand over his face and using her epithet to dial the pain forward; to the point that Ramsey had become used to it, and merely felt numb. “Now quitcha whining.”

Ramsey let out one more grunt of pain. “Augh, couldn’tcha have dialled the pain _back_ to nothing? Did you really have to make me go through it _all at once_?” Ramsey looked up at Zora, but noticing her gun – drawn once more – he quickly remembered his place. “...Nevermind.”

“Alright. No playing dumb. You’re ‘AllThatGlitters’, right?” Zora quizzed directly. Ramsey considered sidestepping the question once more, but noticing that Zora had zero qualms with shooting him again, merely sighed and gave her the answer she wanted.  
“...Yeah, that’s me. Why do you want to know that, though? What would Bliss Ocean want with my commission portfolio?” Ramsey answered, relaxing himself somewhat, but remaining cautious towards the scenario. His confusion only increased when Zora lowered her gun and appeared to start… blushing?

“...Does the name ‘HotShot12’ ring a bell?” Zora asked, uncharacteristically meekly. The pieces tried to fit together in Ramsey’s head, but every part of his brain was screaming that it couldn’t be right.

“No. No freakin’ way,” he begun, in disbelief. “...YOU’RE HOTSHOT12?”

“Pipe down, will ya!” Zora ordered, aware that there were still some useless guards nearby. “...No-one can know about my online persona.”

“But you! And the commissions! You’re into that?!?” Ramsey exclaimed, still unwilling to believe the situation unfolding.

“Look, I don’t judge YOUR lifestyle!” Zora hit back, instinctively raising her gun once more, before sighing and lowering it again. “I’ll cut to the chase. You don’t have a computer here, right?”

“Well, yeah, it’s a prison,” Ramsey answered.

“It’s a prison in Taiga Biome. I swear, half of the prisoners live more free lives BEHIND the bars than they do outside of ‘em”, Zora responded. “Anyway, if you don’t have a computer, then how else am I meant to-”

“YOU’RE HERE FOR A COMMISSION?!?!?!?!?” Ramsey shouted, causing Zora to raise her weapons at him one more time in an attempt to shush him. “Sorry, sorry, but when I have a famous bounty hunter on my head, who breaks into my prison cell, I find it a little hard to believe they’re here for a crappy drawing!”

“Well, I am, so shut it!” Zora barked, causing Ramsey to gulp. Sighing once more, she tried to ease herself, letting her otherwise rigid body language come off as more friendly than dangerous. “So, you know my OC...”

“The cowboy girl, right?”

“Yeah,” Zora confirmed. Ramsey turned to the side for a moment.

“Man, I’m surprised I never figured this out earlier,” Ramsey said to himself.

“It helps me relate to the character!” Zora protested, in a rare moment where she spoke from the heart. Ramsey had never really seen her geeking out like this before; it was actually kind of endearing.

“Hey, come on, it’s all good. You should see some of the other self-inserts people have asked me to draw. One guy even came to my office and told me to sketch him as the reference.”

“No way?” Zora replied, amused.

“He was the ugliest dude I’ve ever seen in my life. And I own a mirror!” Ramsey jabbed, causing Zora to chuckle.

“Man, he must have been one ugly loser,” Zora added. Ramsey’s face dropped somewhat.

“You know, I _do_ have feelings.”

“Yeah, I know,” Zora said, straightening up somewhat. “You seem to feel a lot of pain when I’m around.”

 _Ah, yeah, she’s a murderer_ , Ramsey remembered, opting to cut the niceties before he got too comfortable around her. “So, what do you want me to draw her doing?”. Ramsey waited for a moment, expecting an answer, but was surprised to see Zora turning slightly red. _Oh no, don’t tell me she’s gonna ask for_ -

“N-no, nothing like that!” Zora yelped, having read Ramsey’s changing expression like a book. “Just… Well, it feels kind of weird asking for this kinda stuff in person, heh,” she continued, showing her true, shy self off a little more. “Plus, now you know that big scary cowgal secretly-”

“Yeah, you don’t need to remind me,” Ramsey interrupted, not wanting to remember some of her previous commissions.

“...Right. Well, you know the comic I’ve been paying you to work on?”

“Bliss Ocean Curiosities?” Ramsey began, before feeling another piece fall into place in his mind. “Wow, really, how did I NOT figure out this was you?”

“Because you’re a total dumbass, that’s why!” Zora teased, playfully. She flashed an honest smile. “But, yeah. Now that we’re all done, you can finally-”

“Hold up, hold up, hold up. Sorry, I’ve only just figured this out now – so not only have you been HotShot12 all this time, which, fair enough, that’s not immediately obvious, you’ve been commissioning me to draw a comic of your totally-not-Zora-self-insert, a comic which has Bliss Ocean in the name – which really should have tipped me off – but this entire comic has been about YOU hunting ME!” Ramsey shouted, growing steadily louder and louder.

“Well, yeah, I mean I only just got to the part where I saw you in person!”

“ _I’M_ GREASY GOBLIN?!?”

“WELL I COULDN’T CALL YOU RODENT FACE, COULD I?”

“NO! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO OBVIOUS! LIKE MAKING THE MAIN CHARACTER LOOK ALMOST IDENTICAL TO YOU, AND NAMING THE COMIC AFTER THE ORGANISATION YOU WORK FOR!”

“YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT!” Zora yelled, agreeing with his point, but wanting to continue the shouting match for one more round. “Okay, let’s cut a long story short, I need you to draw the last page.”

“I figured. So, what, of our little fight? Yeah, I can do that-”

“No, I want you to draw me kicking your ass.”

Ramsey fell silent for a moment, blinking once.

“Come again?”

“Dude, this is my OC. I don’t want to pay to see my OC getting beaten up.”

“Eh, it wouldn’t be the first time someone’s-”

“I don’t, okay! I want to see her win! And be cool!”

Ramsey furrowed his brow. “...So you want me to draw your OC kicking my ass?”

“Well, kicking Greasy Goblin’s ass. But, yeah, basically,” Zora said with a smile. Ramsey sighed.

“Alright. But I’m only doing this because you pay well. I wouldn’t do this for most people,” Ramsey claimed, grabbing his crayons and some paper, and walking over to the high quality drawing table that the prison had generously arranged for in his cell.

“Well, yeah, you always have to tip your artists,” Zora began. “Art is a luxury, of course I tip well! I’m a murderous bounty hunter serving a terrorist organisation, I’m not an asshole,” she continued, looking directly towards the imaginary camera capturing the scene. Ramsey contemplated questioning the situation, but knew it’d be wiser to just keep his mouth shut, so he focused on getting the drawing started. Zora, playfully curious, stood behind him, watching over his shoulder.

“I, uh, don’t want to be rude, but it’s kind of distracting having you towering over me like that,” Ramsey stated, a little put off by having a bounty hunter with a contract on him standing right behind him.

“Oh, uh, sorry!” Zora apologised, before moving to one side, crouching down, and eyeing the paper on the table. “Is this better?” she asked, with honest wonder in her eyes as she watched Ramsey bring the paper to life.

“You know what, yeah, it is,” Ramsey lied, trying to come across as comfortable and accommodating despite still being deathly afraid of her. With a sharp nod, Zora fixated on the paper, watching as Ramsey put his amazing art skills to practice. While Ramsey was occasionally distracted by Zora, his fear translating into the occasional mistake on the comic page, he also felt oddly encouraged by her; after all, Zora may have been a creative master when it comes to Epithets, but she was far less so when it came to more mundane creative skills. Ramsey was by no means the best at art; but he was pretty damn good at it. And that was enough to get Zora to stare on in childlike wonder towards his efforts. And in a way, that fuelled Ramsey to try harder, correct his mistakes, and impress Zora even further. What had started as him fearing for his life had turned into a positive cycle for his work; and after a few hours of putting it all together, he’d finished his best work yet.

“...There. Done.” Ramsey put down his crayons, his magnum opus complete.

“...Can I hold it?” Zora asked, awe-struck.

“I mean, you commissioned it, go for it,” Ramsey answered, motioning with his hand for her to take it. Zora picked it up with almost as much care as she gave her guns; while she’d commissioned plenty of art from Ramsey online, this was her first physical commission. It was special.

“...Thank you,” Zora said quietly, turning away as she said it, to obfuscate the words.

“Hmm? I didn’t quite catch that,” Ramsey teased, having an idea of what she said.

“I said thank you, okay!” Zora admitted, in a moment of honesty. “I like it, okay? It’s… really good,” she continued, blushing slightly.

“Aww,” Ramsey began, savouring the moment. “You know, for a second there, you were actually kind of cute-”

Zora shot Ramsey in the face again, knocking him out of the chair and causing him to yell out in pain. “Don’t get cocky. You still have a bounty on your head.”

Ramsey wriggled around on the floor, unable to get a word out, being almost entirely focused on how much his head hurt. Sighing, and rolling her eyes, Zora once more used her epithet to dial back the pain – but this time in the opposite direction, undoing it rather than accelerating it; an experience that was overall much more bearable than her previous shot to the face.

“There. Ya happy?” Zora asked, getting ready to leave.

“Yeah,” Ramsey began. “Yeah! Heh, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were going soft-”

Zora shot Ramsey again, not letting him finish that sentence, before heading back to her makeshift entrance. “Bye Ramsey! Hunt you some other time!” she waved, jumping out of the window, and leaving him to clutch at his face while he waited for his stamina to return; a process that was not over quickly. The pain did eventually fade, however, and Ramsey was left to contemplate the events that had just occurred; and all of the revelations that had been made as a result of them.

“Man,” Ramsey began saying to himself, putting it all together in his head; “I can’t believe _she's_ the one obsessed with Wonder Bread.”

**Author's Note:**

> First time using the site, so apologies if I've got anything wrong with formatting/tagging/etc!  
> This was done in a day after seeing @Rebecca_Doodles request more "funny banter fics" between Ramsey and Zora on Twitter. I hope I delivered.


End file.
